


To Say Goodbye

by Katobobato



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Blood and Gore, Death, F/M, Smut, Witchcraft, Zombie AU, body decay, halloween fic, resurrection AU, tumblr event
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:02:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27326236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katobobato/pseuds/Katobobato
Summary: for an event hosted by kpopficsnetwork on tumblr
Relationships: Lee Taemin & Reader, Lee Taemin/Reader
Kudos: 5





	To Say Goodbye

It had been coming up for half a year since the incident. Almost half a year without him.

y/n had been coping well it seemed, at least, that's what she showed on the outside. She was composed and fearless, still in mourning but life carries on, even without him. On the inside, however, she was barely holding herself together, the threads of her soul slowly fraying and unwinding.

She was heartbroken, lost in a monochrome world completely void of all colour, all alone yet surrounded by many. She had her family and friends, but that wasn't enough because she didn't have him.

When they'd started dating a couple of years prior to the incident, he was the first man to truly make her smile. They laughed together, they had fun together and most of all, they were happy. They had started out as friends long before that, back in high school actually, but only dared to push their relationship further once they reached adulthood.

To describe how deep in love they were, just before the time of his passing, would be a difficult task. Think of the deepest depths of the ocean, the gap between heaven and hell, the length of space between the Earth and the moon. Even then, it would not be enough. To say they were soulmates would almost be an understatement.

There will never be another like him, there will never be another Lee Taemin. No one, in this life or the next, would even compare to him. He was the stars in her night sky. He was the moon that pulled the tides. He was the force of gravity keeping her on the ground.

She couldn't live without him. At least, not without saying a proper goodbye.

And so, y/n found herself wandering the streets of New Orleans, the place she had grown to call home, a home she had shared with him. If you had seen her strolling through the streets you wouldn't think she was searching for anything in particular. Just a girl walking down the street, with no goal in mind.

But there was something on her mind, the reason fuelling her outing, she was going to find a witch that could contact the dead.

y/n was never one to really believe in the witchcraft and voodoo that was said to have found it's home in New Orleans but after moving here for herself, she could feel it. The way something magical would flow down the streets, in the air between the buildings. It was everywhere, like a presence you couldn't see. At times, it felt like a warm home, the smell of fresh flowers on a sunny day. At others it felt more like an ominous presence, a pair of eyes watching your every move from where they were lurking in the darkness.

The so-called magic of New Orleans, if it truly was real, had her wondering if it was good or rather the work of demons. Before losing her lover to the claws of death, she would have heeded the warnings she had seen on tv and read in books. Now, however, so distraught with grief, she no longer cared.

By the time she stopped walking, her feet had brought her to a little shop hidden in the corner of a crooked backstreet. It seemed as though a wandering soul would miss it, never even noticing it was there, but y/n had felt a pull to it from the moment she stepped foot outside of her apartment. A shop that picked the customers perhaps, rather than the customers choosing the shop.

The windows were tinted, making it difficult to see the dark interior beyond. A sign outside displayed the name 'Lucifer's Wing - Magic Supplies' in a fancy, golden text. It looked old, from the decaying wooden window frames to the rusted door knob.

Although y/n hadn't gotten her hopes up, she reached out for that rusty door handle and sucked in a deep breath before turning it and heading inside.

Her nose involuntarily scrunched up at the unusual smell that flooded into it. It wasn't a particularly bad smell, nor was it particularly pleasant. It was simply strong, a very strong fragrance of which she had never quite smelt before.

Not only was the smell weird, but so was the rest of the shop. Shelves filled with old books, jars full of all kinds of abnormalities, not to mention all the unusual objects that were littered about on pretty much every kind of surface. An ugly, red and green rug, that was more brown and faded from old age, sat on the floor in front of the counter.

"Just grind up the newt tail and mix it with the raven beak. You should see improvements by tomorrow."

Two normal-looking New Orleanians were at that counter, their shoes further dirtying the dusty rug beneath them. They didn't even glance at y/n as they left the shop, taking their small package out with them as they discussed things about their unusual instructions from the shopkeeper.

When y/n finally got a good look at the woman behind the counter, she wasn't particularly surprised by her appearance at all. Not when the shop itself looked so, well, peculiar. Her hair was long and crimped, frizzing out a little bit too much. Her makeup was heavy, layer upon layer of eyeliner paired with dark eyeshadow and matte lips. She looked, well, if y/n didn't know any better, she'd say she looked like a witch.

"Now, what can I do for you?" Her voice was hoarse as she tilted her head, examining y/n with a hazy gaze.

"A grimoire perhaps? Or maybe a simple hex bag?"

y/n stepped forwards, approaching the woman to ask of her what it was she had come for, "Can you speak to the dead?"

The woman hummed and placed a slender finger to her chin, "Who could the young girl miss so dearly? Her mother? Her father? A friend taken too soon? Or perhaps... a lost lover?"

y/n nodded, her words now suddenly stuck in her throat.

"How did they die?" The woman inquired, leaning forward with a sudden peak of interest.

With an almost shaky breath, y/n replied, "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time."

"I'm going to need more to go on than that, pretty."

It hurt to think of it. It hurt to speak of it. It hurt to remember it.

"H- He went out one day and never came home. It was a robbery gone wrong. He tried to stop them and they shot him. They shot him to rob a fucking cash register."

Her emotion shot out like a whirlwind. You could hear the pain in her voice. How distraught she was to lose someone she loved for such a petty, pointless reason. Even she was surprised by her own words, she had sworn in front of a stranger. How rude. How unlike her.

"Please," Her voice was faint again, realising that she had lost her composure for but a moment, "I just want to say goodbye."

The shopkeeper smiled, although it was not a warming smile. Everything about it was cold, sinister even. As if she were amused by the tragedy that befell such a young couple.

"I can do you one better than that."

y/n watched as the woman turned around, rummaging through the shelves behind her as she searched for something. Something that, hopefully, was going to grant y/n that goodbye she wished for so dearly.

When she returned to the girl, the shopkeeper had an old parchment in hand. It looked ancient, so fragile that it would crumble away the moment she set it down. And yet, somehow, it remained intact.

"Take this. Speak the incantation over his grave at the witching hour on all hallows eve, when the veil between life and death is at it's thinnest. It will grant you what you wish for, maybe even more than that."

y/n took the paper, skimming her eyes over a language she only recognised as Latin before her eyes flickered back to the shopkeeper, "How much is it?"

"Free of charge, well, to me. You will pay your price when it is due, I only hope you will be prepared to pay it." The woman warned although y/n didn't take it as a serious threat.

"I'll pay whatever price, I just want to see him again. I just want to say goodbye." She held the parchment with great care and smiled, "Thank you."

With that, she was leaving the shop just as quickly as she had arrived. Taking a long, thoughtful stroll back to her apartment, their apartment.

Did she honestly think this incantation would work? No. Was she praying that she would be wrong? Yes.

It wouldn't work, there was no way it would, but she needed it to. Just a chance to say goodbye, that was all she wanted.

If only she knew what was to come.

y/n waited somewhat impatiently over the next few days but soon, all hallows eve was upon her. She had put a bowl of sweets outside, allowing any trick-or-treaters to help themselves as she would not be at home.

She knew she was going too early, she had to wait for the witching hour, after all. But she wanted to be with him. Just to sit with him for a while as she read the incantation over and over in her head to make sure that she would get it right when the time came.

Before long, the witching hour had arrived.

y/n stood up and placed a gentle hand on the tombstone. Her fingers ran over the engraving, 'Lee Taemin - Beloved Son and Cherished Friend'.

"It's now or never." y/n spoke to him, or perhaps herself, and took a couple of steps back.

With shaky hands, she held the parchment up in front of her and cleared her throat only to mutter under her breath, "Here goes."

"Hic en spiritum sed non incorpore evokare lemures de mortuis decretum espugnare de angelus balberith en inferno inremeablis."

Once she read the incantation, the wind seemed to blow, chilling her skin. She waited but nothing happened.

So, she read the incantation again and again as she prayed to see him one last time. All she wanted was to hear his voice, better yet to see his spirit before her. Just so that she could see him, hear him, one last time. Just to say goodbye.

But to no prevail.

"I knew it was fake. I was a fool to wish otherwise." y/n sighed, eyes already glassing over with tears.

In her hand, the parchment was crumpled to nothing, scattered pieces blowing off in the wind. It didn't work, it was never going to work. What was she thinking?

She fell to her knees, fingers digging into the soil that occupied the space over his grave, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to say goodbye. I love you, I love you so much."

As her tears dripped down, wetting the Earth with her sorrow, she finally said goodbye. She would always love him, always.

It was with a heavy heart that she headed home, leaving behind the dream of seeing her lover again. She fell asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow, tears staining the soft fabric beneath her. Exhaustion had taken its toll on her. Exhaustion from hoping, believing too much in the unknown. Exhaustion from grief and being alone.

A few hours passed, night relieved by the early morning.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

y/n sat up, stretching her tired limbs as another knock sounded at the door. Leaving the warmth of her bed and submitting herself to the cold, she began to head for the door.

"Don't those kids know that the time for trick-or-treating is over?" She sighed, reaching out to open the door and tell them to go home.

When the door opened, her entire world stopped spinning. Or, perhaps, it began to spin so fast that she had grown dizzy and begun to see things that were not truly there.

Dark brown eyes. That fluffy, dirty blonde hair she loved to run her fingers through. Eyebrow slits he thought looked edgy, but she just found cute. Every single inch of his face was so familiar, so new, something she felt she hadn't seen in years but could have also been something had seen just yesterday.

"y/n... I- I didn't know where else to go."

The moment he spoke, confirming that he was truly there, she threw her arms around him. Tears rolled down her cheeks, tears much different than the ones that came before. It wasn't what she had expected, to be reunited with her lover like this, but he was alive. He was with her again and that was all that mattered.

When y/n finally released him, she stepped back to look at him once again.

Dirt. Lots of dirt, he was covered in it. It was matted between his hair, smudged across his cheek, wedged under his fingernails. Had he climbed out of his own grave? But his body wasn't broken, wasn't decomposed. It was as if he were as good as new.

"Let's get you in a bath." She smiled, gently taking his hand in her own as she led him inside.

Once the bath was run, steam warming the previously frosty room, she left him to it whilst she prepared some clothes of his that she just hadn't had the strength to throw away before.

He sat there, absentmindedly scrubbing the dirt off of him, thinking about so many things.

I'm dead. I died. Didn't I? So why am I here now? Why am I alive again? Am I really alive again?

He had so many questions but ultimately, he was just glad to be back home. Back with her. Back with y/n.

"So, what do you remember?" She asked, rubbing his hair loosely with a towel.

"I..." Taemin sighed, "I remember dying. I died and then there was nothing, plunged into eternal darkness. Until I woke up in- in front of my grave."

y/n looked at him softly, putting the towel down to cup her hand around his face, "I didn't know what to do without you. I didn't know how to go on. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye. That was all I wanted. This... to have you back is more than I could have ever hoped for."

She was crying again before she realised it. A steady stream of salty tears wetting her cheeks once again.

Although hesitantly, he reached up to touch her, gentle fingers ghosting over her face. He wiped her tears away and took her hand in his, bringing it up to his lips for a tender kiss.

"How- How did you do this? How did you bring me back?"

He was so confused. He shouldn't be here, not that he didn't want to be. He wanted nothing more than to be by her side, to hold her in his arms, to kiss her softly and tell her everything was alright. But he didn't understand. He needed to understand.

"I found a shopkeeper... I think she was a witch. She gave me an old incantation and told me to read it over your grave at the witching hour on all hallows eve." y/n explained, her hand returning to his cheek, thumb stroking over it gently.

"It's Halloween? How long have I been gone for?"

She sighed and leaned forwards, resting her head against his shoulder, "Six months."

Instinctively, his hand went to her head, stroking it affectionately.

"I'm sorry," There was a pause as he leaned his head against her own, just wanting to be near her, "Sorry for leaving you."

y/n lifted her head, shaking it and looked at him with a smile, "Don't be. You're back now, that's what matters. It worked, the incantation actually worked."

The way his mouth curved so affectionately as he rubbed his head against her own slightly, much like a cat would to its owner, was so full of love. He may not have remembered anything of the afterlife, or perhaps there wasn't one to remember, but he felt as though he hadn't seen her for an eternity. He just wanted to treasure her, to love her, to hold her.

She reached for his hand, interlacing her fingers with his own.

"I love you," She said, "I love you so much."

He squeezed her hand as if to say; I'm here, I'm not leaving you again. With his other, he wiped the tears from her eyes, although soon the thumb that was drying her eyes was replaced by something else.

Each eye. He kissed under each eye, tasting the salty tears she had shed for him. He never wanted her to cry because of him again, he never wanted to leave her again.

It wasn't long before it escalated. Tender touches began to travel across skin. Lips met as lovers embraced. Her head was softly laid against the welcoming pillow as her back fell to the mattress. It had been so long. So long since they last saw each other. So long since they last held each other.

He trailed feather-like kisses down her neck. She ran her hands over his back, fingers faintly touching him for she had become so used to the idea that she would never get to again.

A part of her feared that he would be gone come sunrise. This was too good to be true. Was he really back for good? Was his soul truly intact? For now, she didn't care. She just needed him. She needed him almost as much as he needed her.

"I love you." She said again as he lined himself up with her, preparing to enter.

He kissed her, filling her with himself. His body, his heart, his soul. They were all hers, just as hers were his.

"I love you too." His words were pure, his thrusts delicate as he made love to her.

Soulmates. Or maybe something more. Two souls, two hearts, two bodies, completely intertwined.

By the time morning came, he was still by her side. She smiled, hand smoothing over his chest as she looked up at him. His stomach raised and then, it fell. He was breathing, he was alive, he was with her once again. Not a spirit, not a monster, not a figment of her imagination, but flesh and blood.

He looked so peaceful, so angelic as he slept beside her. The sun crept in through the blinds, giving his features an almost golden glow. Maybe he was just that, an angel brought back to Earth in order to reunite with his lover once again. Maybe, if there was a God, they had sent him back to her.

Taemin's eyes soon fluttered open, his eyes rolling over the curves of her body that hid beneath the covers. He smiled and began to delicately run his fingers up and down her bare shoulder.

"Morning." His voice was groggy, full of sleep and love.

A warm smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, "I've missed this."

They spent all morning in bed, lying by each other's sides. Pillow talk and tangled legs.

By lunch, however, rumbling stomachs finally pulled them from their bed.

"Pancakes?" Taemin opened the fridge to collect the eggs and milk.

y/n was already looking in the cupboard, pulling out a bowl before searching the drawers for a whisk, "Already one step ahead."

Cooking was always an adventure when it came to the two of them, especially when it could easily get messy. Flour covered every surface, including their own hands and faces. They giggled, laughing together as they finally began flipping the pancakes.

Eating lunch was as fun as making it. Giggles and whispers of love as they smiled oh-so warmly at each other across the table.

By the time it began to grow dark outside, they were lying on the sofa watching a movie. It was one of their favourites, one they'd watched so many times together. y/n thought she'd never get to watch it with him again but here she was, lying in his arms, completely content as they quietly watched the movie.

Neither of them was truly paying attention to the film. Both of them were far too focused on each other. The way it felt to be so close, feeling the warmth of each other's body heat seep through the clothes that separated them. He loved this, the feeling of holding her in his arms again. She too was the happiest she'd ever been. She thought she'd lost him forever but they had been granted another chance. A miracle perhaps.

Or maybe... something a little more sinister.

A couple more days had passed and everything seemed well. They had been on a date in the park, his first time outside since coming back. The two of them had talked about how they would tell others that he was alive. How they'd explain it to everyone. He wanted to see his parents so dearly. Both knew that this might not be the best idea, however. They would freak out, they wouldn't understand. He had died, they all knew that. They, although distraught, had made peace with it. If he was to see them, he needed an explanation that didn't sound ridiculous or simply scare them away.

Their date had gone well. They had had fun together, walking around, taking in the fresh air. It was a good day. It was only when they returned home, later in the day, that Taemin began to feel that something was wrong.

"You okay?" y/n asked, noticing the way his eyes seemed somewhat sunken.

With a smile, he nodded, "Yeah, just tired."

It was a lie. A lie he almost believed himself. A lie he so desperately needed to believe was true because he didn't want something to be wrong. Instead of worrying about it, or worrying her about it, he hid it. He ignored it.

They bathed together that night. Both soaking in the bath until they went pruney. y/n rested her head against his chest, smiling as he softly ran the tips of his fingers along her arms.

"I've missed this. I've missed you." She sighed, taking his hand in her own.

He hummed against her hair, pressing a loving kiss against her head, "I missed you too."

He truly did miss her, even if he had no perception of how much time it had been since he last saw her before he died. Perhaps time simply wasn't a thing after death and that was why it had felt like so long but also only hours at the same time. Six months. She was without him for six months, and he was without her. For her, it was agonising. For him, well, he only noticed how much he missed her once he came back.

That night, he held her close for he was beginning to feel as though he might lose her again. He knew she couldn't bear the thought of it happening all over again, watching helplessly as he was taken from her again but, as the sun set far below their feet, the cloudy night sky now overhead, he began to feel as though it was going to happen again. It was going to happen again and much sooner than they had wished for.

He kept that feeling, that knowing, from her for days. Everything was normal, even as his eyes began to look more sunken than usual. I'm just tired, he would tell her. She, like a fool, believed him.

It was his idea to try out a new recipe, a recipe his mother used to make for him. They had always liked to cook together, always treasured that time with each other. They were having fun, reading through the recipe on her phone. He stood behind her, head on her shoulder, hands holding hers as they mixed the ingredients in the wok.

Stir-fried Korean beef, a recipe from his home. He already knew how to make it but pretended not to so that he could learn again, with her. A meal to remember him by, a meal to enjoy. He didn't want to leave a sour taste in her mouth. He wanted to leave behind a pleasant taste, a lingering goodness that she could enjoy. If she liked the meal, that was.

"It's so good!" She grinned from ear to ear, devouring the delicious food they had created together.

He felt his lips curl upwards slightly, smiling so gently. It was a sad smile.

"You'll have to try out new things when I'm no longer around." It was a mumble, but she still heard it.

y/n dropped her food and tilted her head, confused, "What do you mean? You've only just come back, you're not going anywhere."

He avoided her eyes, watching them search his face as if trying to decipher what he was staying, and moulded his face into a reassuring smile, "So, after dinner, I was thinking we could go for a walk?"

She knew he was avoiding the question but didn't press on the matter. A part of her didn't want to know. She didn't want to know what he meant by that, what he was trying to say. Although, she couldn't stop the feeling of unease that had settled into the very core of her bones, shaking through her like waves of nausea.

A few more days passed and he left her during the night, droopy body heading for the bathroom. He turned the tap on, hoping the steady stream of water would ground him, and looked into the mirror. His face was pale, almost deathly so. Any rose he had in his cheeks seemed to have been painted over. His eyes were sunken, dark circles surrounding them. Dry skin, chapped lips, no colour. He looked like a walking corpse, or perhaps simply someone who was rather unwell.

y/n had noticed it. She hadn't said anything out of fear. If she acknowledged it, asked about it, she feared it would truly become real. Something was wrong, very wrong. Taemin knew it, y/n knew it. She was scared to ask, he was scared to tell her. He didn't want to see her in pain again, he couldn't watch it happen again.

Fingertips ran along his protruding cheekbone until it reached that dark skin under his eye. His nail looked black around the edges and, with a sleepy curiosity, he pulled at it with his other hand. It was such a light, delicate movement. And yet, the nail slipped so easily from his body, coming off with a trail of goo. A mix of blood and God knows what else.

He closed his eyes, focusing once again on the running water. It was calming, peaceful. The darkness that surrounded him, the lack of anything. It was pleasant, it was familiar. It was death.

Before he had realised it, he had already adapted to the life after death. It wasn't the same as life on Earth, it was different, empty. It wasn't, however, in any way bad. He couldn't remember much but he knew he felt at peace. He had made his peace with it, she had not. The living didn't know how to let go but the dead... the dead had already moved on.

She called him back. She forced him back. He wanted to see her, he was so glad that they had just a little more time together but that time was quickly running out. He only released it then, as he opened his eyes and looked down at his nailless finger, tugging ever so gently on the limb until it broke free from his body and fell down into the sink. The stream of water fell down onto it, claiming it as death had claimed him.

There was no pain and very little blood. He was already dead, he was never truly alive again. His time had passed and he had made peace with that. She hadn't, y/n hadn't.

"W-What's-"

She was in the doorway not long after feeling the chilling cold beside her in bed. She almost asked, she almost confirmed it. But, when she saw her lover, his body slowing starting to break down, it was too late. It was real.

"I can't stay much longer." Taemin sighed, finally understanding what was happening to him, to them.

He wasn't sad. He had had time to see her again, to say goodbye. That was what she wanted, wasn't it? A chance to say goodbye.

The witch had never said the incantation was permanent, nor had she ever said it would bring him back to life. He wasn't here to stay, he was here to help her move on. Truly a dead man walking.

y/n felt like she was suffocating, it was as if the whole world was crumbling down around her. It was raining, distorting the painting before her. He was alive, he was with her again. The painting had lied and now, those lies were washing away.

"Don't cry." He stepped forwards, wiping away the tears she hadn't even realised had started to fall.

Her world was crumbling. Her life, his life, fading away.

"It's okay, y/n. It's okay. I'm here, I'll always be here."

She couldn't listen, she didn't want to listen. She didn't want to hear this, to hear his goodbye. She wasn't ready... she'd only just gotten him back.

"I- I- I can't-" Her voice was strangled, hands balling into his shirt, "I can't lose you again." She held on tight, too afraid to let go, "I- I'll go with you, I'll die with you-"

He sighed and pulled her to his chest, feeling her warmth for one last time as he cradled her head in his hands, "You can't. You have to live on."

She cried harder, holding onto him even tighter than before.

"You don't need to worry. You must live in the present and remember me when I'm gone. Until the day comes when I must leave you again, treasure these last few days we have together but, when it's over, I need you to move on. Live a wonderful life, live a happy life. For me, for your friends, for your family. Fall in love again, have children and grandchildren. Teach them how to cook, make pancakes with them. Just... be happy."

He wasn't going to leave her that day. He might not even leave her the next, but the day was coming. The day he would have to leave again, to go back.

"I love you." He whispered into her hair, a memory she would treasure.

He loved her and she loved him. They always would, but time moves on, people move on, and she would too.

Tears streaked down her face, a steady stream mimicking the running tap, "I love you too... So much."


End file.
